Awards night, roll out the red carpet.

I’m struggling with a very painful and persistent injury this week, an injury that happened while I was sleeping. I played some 26 highly competitive games from February to September this season and didn’t get injured once. A week after the season ends, and I get injured in my sleep.

So for a bit of light relief here are my Football Awards for season 2011/2012.

The Didier Drogba Award for Most Important Goal.

Winner – Sergio Aguero (Manchester City vs QPR)

‘Aguerooooooooooo!!!!!!!!’ Minutes left in the English Premier League season and Manchester City trail rivals Manchester United by three points in the league. City are losing 1-2 to struggling QPR, at home. But wait, Eden Dzeko scores a header and makes it 2-2. They need one more to win the league. Surely City couldn’t get another? Surely there’s not enough time? With 90 seconds to go, it happened. Simply amazing. The goal that won the Premier League for Manchester City. There are English versions of the video, but the commentary in this one is legendary. Coincidentally, this commentator also wins The Gary Neville Award for Outstanding Commentary. 

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=wJAUoSIODUw – ‘Na na na na, na na na na, hey hey hey, Kun Aguero!’

The Ubelievable Tekkers Award for Most Ridiculous Goal.

Winner – Papiss Cisse’ (Chelsea vs Newcastle)

There’s only one winner here. This goal just defies the laws of physics. Un-be-lievable. Oh, and the reason why he decided to shoot? He ‘couldn’t be bothered hanging on to the ball’. Brilliant.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=RU9bjNvPCVg

‘Screw physics’, says Papiss Cisse

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

The inaugural Sergio Ramos Award for Worst Penalty.

Winner – Jonathan Soriano (Red Bull Salzburg v Rapid Wien)

Sergio Ramos, eat your heart out. While Ramos’ dreadful penalty in the Champions League semi-final was one of the most costly misses of the season, Soriano’s penalty is twice as dreadful. Seriously, watch the two videos, Soriano’s went twice as high, I heard the ball he kicked was just spotted in orbit around Jupiter…

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-kMKz9YKItE – Soriano penalty miss

The Chris Sutton Award for Biggest Flop.

Winner – Stewart Downing (Liverpool)

I know what you’re thinking, but Fernando Torres is starting to turn it around at Chelsea, and Andy Carroll may well come good at West Ham. Liverpool forked out around 20 million pounds for the English winger Downing, it seemed a promising buy at the time, but at the moment good fortune at Liverpool is scarce. Downing’s first season at Anfield yielded no goals and no assists, while new Liverpool manager Brendan Rodgers has recently questioned Downing’s attitude and commitment to improving his game.

 

 

 

 

 

Worst Home Support.

Winner – Gold Coast United

‘They’re here, they’re there, they’re every f***ing where, empty seats, empty seats!’ If ever there was a team deserving of this chant, it’s the now defunct Gold Coast United. In their second A-League season their average attendance was slightly over 3,000. To be fair the club’s owner was nutty Clive Palmer who capped home crowds at 5,000 people, and it was a silly idea to put a team on the Gold Coast in the first place. Note to Football Federation Australia, you don’t have to copy everything the AFL does…I feel for the small band of hardcore Gold Coast fans who have now lost their team, but there were always simply far too few to form a sustainable club.

‘Err, where did everyone go?’

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

The David Beckham Award for Dodgiest Haircut.

Winner – Raul Meireles (Fenerbahce)

The former Chelsea midfielder had a fluctuating last season at Chelsea, if there was one constant it was his ‘unique’ hairstyle. The picture is self-explanatory.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

The Handbags Award for Most Over-hyped ‘Fight’.

Winners – Sir Alex Ferguson (Manchester United) and Roberto Mancini (Manchester City)

Don’t you just love seeing managers show a bit of fire on the sideline? It’s the biggest game of the season between the only two teams in the race for the Premier League title, and to add real spice it’s between fierce city rivals Manchester United and Manchester City. Ferguson and Mancini accused each other of trying to influence the referees, funny Italian sign language ensued but unfortunately assistant managers and officials kept the two managers apart. If only they hadn’t…

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=OMntfpSPBBw – ‘Blah blah blah’

The Rio Ferdinand Award for Silliest Celebration.

Don’t actually know what team this is, they’re local league, but the celebration is so awful it’s incredible. 9 of the team’s 11 players ran to the side of the pitch do the annoying ‘Rocking the Baby’ celebration in front of the fans. The funny thing though is that as they had all run back into their own half, the referee was allowed to restart the game. He did, and with the team still celebrating on the side of the pitch the other team ran down and scored. If you ask me anyone who does that celebration deserves to cop a goal.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=da0IHBMr_AY – This is why players celebrate by the corner flag…